I have no idea why I feel that I need to write this today. It is like the story is eating me from the inside. Trying to chew its way out. Maybe it is because after reading other blogs with their stories mine wants out.
Now as I get ready to type the first line my mind goes blank. There is no easy way to say it. When I was 16 my little brother was hit by a car and killed, he was 12. It took me 15 years to write that sentence the first time, and to write it the second time, it has been 17 years. Sitting here the tears are beginning to roll down my cheeks and I am beginning to freeze up.
Growing up in my family we did not talk about these things. I'm sure that I could have if I really wanted to but re-experiencing the pain was too much. Even now it makes my husband uncomfortable. So I keep it in and don't let it out. If you don't acknowledge it happened it doesn't have to be real right?
It did happen though.....and it changed my life forever. In that one second my whole world was changed forever. It altered the course of my life and I have never felt that I was going on the right track since.....
About Me
- Kara
- Stay at home mom by day, Funky Hairstylist by night, add a little geekiness, a lot of faith in God, great friends and a Fabulous husband, what do you get?? One Complic8ted life! All while striving to make things simple
Blogs I Love
5 comments:
Kara: You have taken the first step in healing. May I suggest that you participate in an Amanda the Panda adult weekend, or become a volunteer in one of their camps for kids/teens who have lost a loved one. Being with others who have experienced the same thing might be cathartic. My best to you, Claire Celsi
I have nothing to add that I haven't said before. I can't imagine the hole this left in your life- though I understand the not talking about it. That's the way it was with our family and the molestation issue. Still, to this day, it is not mentioned.
Kara, I'm so glad you got this out. Now you don't have to own it all by yourself; that's what your friends are for, to take some of your burden from you! I cannot imagine how that must've felt, or still feels, and I know it didn't hurt just for the loss itself but also for the ripple effect it had on your relationship with your family. Now that I have a 12-year-old it makes me hurt even more for you as I can relate just a teensy bit more. Writing is definitely therapeutic; do it as you feel compelled to, girl! Love you!!!
I'm so sorry that you went through such a horrific experience. It sounds like you've never really gone through a real grieving process, but it is good that you are letting it out now. Just imagining how you must have felt at that age makes my heart break.
I'll be praying for you that you can gain some form of closure and peace about what happened.
Kara, I lost a nephew in a car accident. For several years I found myself questioning God and not understanding "why". I was so angry with God for "allowing" it to happen. (that's a whole other story because I was raised to believe you never never ask God a question much less be angry with Him. Today, after much processing I have come to realize it wasn't His fault but the pain can sometimes be as fresh as the day it happened. I tell my friends when something tragic happens to talk about it until it's talked out. I too found that healing for myself. I hope you have a close friend who will let you talk. There really is healing in sharing.
Post a Comment